Yesterday was the first mother's day without you and from this one, I will not be able to celebrate any mother's day :( Its sad but its a reality of life. I am somewhere between denial and anger, guilt and sadness. The flood of these emotions is growing deep inside my heart but we all have to spend our calculated moments in this life. And I am doing that.
I cannot send you any gifts and we cannot pamper you with delicious food, your favorite gift items or long phone calls. This mother's day was the saddest mother's day I have ever had. For me and my siblings, mother's day was a very special day. We would start arranging for her gifts months before this day and my mother, just like a little baby, would often inquire us: "How are you gonna surprise me this year?" In our family, mother's day was like Christmas or Eid.
While there are people who are blessed with this beautiful gift of Almighty and to enjoy it (of course temporarily), many of those are not aware of what can happen in case this gift is taken away. Yes, this can give those people chills or goosebumps just for imagining it, the reality is far more than that. Back in 2009, I had a lecture in the morning, and before that, I was talking to two twin sisters who were my friends. Somehow, they used past tense when they talked about their mum and I asked them where she is right now. They told me that she has passed away. I don't know what happened to me but my eyes started to shed tears with my heart full of emotions. Soon, my other classmates started to notice me, so my friends consoled me and I had to stop crying. I don't know why I was crying, missing my mum as she was far away, realizing that she is getting older and may leave me some day or simply feeling pity about my friends who had lost their mother already. But when I myself had to face this reality, I reacted in a completely different way. Emotions are not discrete, they are on a continuum and the "right" kind of emotions do not always come at the right time. A loss is responded with sadness, active grieving, denial, anger, guilt, shock, terror, melancholy or acceptance (we typically call patience). I can easily see that my subconscious mind has still not accepted this loss and that's why I see my mother in my dream multiple times as soon as I fall asleep and I discuss my day-to-day things with her. This can be said as the result of not being at her funeral, or simply tied up with my new-mother busy schedule along side my work but I believe that I am following a very long cycle of facing the loss. And I have my whole life to grieve about her.
Anyways, I was talking about how oblivious many people are about their parents. They either ignore them, downright disrespect them or delegate their responsibilities onto a third party by assuming that "others" are responsible for respecting and taking care of their parents. If you are falling under either of the category, you may need to correct your ways. First and foremost, no matter how educated or well-mannered you are, you must not disrespect your parents for they being naive. Once they were appreciating your innocent acts so just enjoy every phase of life. Second, if they ask for extra attention, you can kindly ask them to expect a little less but do not ignore them. Ignoring them is not a lesser crime that disrespecting them. Hence, give them their due share of time but that should not come at the cost of teasing them or violating the rights of others.Third, No one but "You" are responsible for their care. This responsibility cannot be delegated to the other person because you owe them the sleepless nights and not the third party.
This mother's day, I just want to pay a tribute to my sweetest mom in the world. I love you, you are the best in the world! Although, we used to have occasional disagreements but you were the one closest to me than anyone else around. When you left me, my life is a lot under disappointments; as if you took away my pleasures along with you. Things and people I used to enjoy do not give me any happiness anymore. There is hardly any night I do not dream of you. Losing you is such a big loss that I cannot put it into tears, only a heart that is melting but who can see the heart- its inside.
I cannot send you any gifts and we cannot pamper you with delicious food, your favorite gift items or long phone calls. This mother's day was the saddest mother's day I have ever had. For me and my siblings, mother's day was a very special day. We would start arranging for her gifts months before this day and my mother, just like a little baby, would often inquire us: "How are you gonna surprise me this year?" In our family, mother's day was like Christmas or Eid.
While there are people who are blessed with this beautiful gift of Almighty and to enjoy it (of course temporarily), many of those are not aware of what can happen in case this gift is taken away. Yes, this can give those people chills or goosebumps just for imagining it, the reality is far more than that. Back in 2009, I had a lecture in the morning, and before that, I was talking to two twin sisters who were my friends. Somehow, they used past tense when they talked about their mum and I asked them where she is right now. They told me that she has passed away. I don't know what happened to me but my eyes started to shed tears with my heart full of emotions. Soon, my other classmates started to notice me, so my friends consoled me and I had to stop crying. I don't know why I was crying, missing my mum as she was far away, realizing that she is getting older and may leave me some day or simply feeling pity about my friends who had lost their mother already. But when I myself had to face this reality, I reacted in a completely different way. Emotions are not discrete, they are on a continuum and the "right" kind of emotions do not always come at the right time. A loss is responded with sadness, active grieving, denial, anger, guilt, shock, terror, melancholy or acceptance (we typically call patience). I can easily see that my subconscious mind has still not accepted this loss and that's why I see my mother in my dream multiple times as soon as I fall asleep and I discuss my day-to-day things with her. This can be said as the result of not being at her funeral, or simply tied up with my new-mother busy schedule along side my work but I believe that I am following a very long cycle of facing the loss. And I have my whole life to grieve about her.
Anyways, I was talking about how oblivious many people are about their parents. They either ignore them, downright disrespect them or delegate their responsibilities onto a third party by assuming that "others" are responsible for respecting and taking care of their parents. If you are falling under either of the category, you may need to correct your ways. First and foremost, no matter how educated or well-mannered you are, you must not disrespect your parents for they being naive. Once they were appreciating your innocent acts so just enjoy every phase of life. Second, if they ask for extra attention, you can kindly ask them to expect a little less but do not ignore them. Ignoring them is not a lesser crime that disrespecting them. Hence, give them their due share of time but that should not come at the cost of teasing them or violating the rights of others.Third, No one but "You" are responsible for their care. This responsibility cannot be delegated to the other person because you owe them the sleepless nights and not the third party.
This mother's day, I just want to pay a tribute to my sweetest mom in the world. I love you, you are the best in the world! Although, we used to have occasional disagreements but you were the one closest to me than anyone else around. When you left me, my life is a lot under disappointments; as if you took away my pleasures along with you. Things and people I used to enjoy do not give me any happiness anymore. There is hardly any night I do not dream of you. Losing you is such a big loss that I cannot put it into tears, only a heart that is melting but who can see the heart- its inside.
